I didn't intend to have my next blog be while I was in a negative mind space but I need to process the bad days too. Today wasn't really a bad day, just a huge reminder that none of this is normal. Today I had a drain placed in my left lung to be able to drain the fluid at home while the treatments work to get the accumulation to stop. As I was laying in the surgery, before the anestehsia was delivered they asked me to roll on to my right side so they could access the right spot. I did as I was told and as they rearranged my sheets, iv, blood pressure cuff etc...it just hit me like a ton of bricks....this is not normal.
I like to act like everything that I am going through is fine, routine, normal, ok. The Drs tell me what to do, I do it, I trust the process, I trust the medicine and as I have for most of my life, I do what I am told to do. I don't know any other way. I try not to complain, I try to make the best of it, I try to downplay most of it. Even today the Dr. commented how I never complain about anything.
But none of this is normal.
It's not normal that I can only have an IV or blood draw in my left arm because of the lymph nodes that were removed on the right. My one super strength vein is going to get really mad one of these days.
It's not normal that I can only have my blood pressure taken on the left side also because of the lymph nodes.
It's not normal that the Interventional Radiology team knows be my name and also by the tattoo on my back. By the way - I love this group of people...they are so kind and warm and have made the process so much better.
It's not normal that I now have a catheter coming out of my left lung and that Ramsey and I have to learn how to drain it...I'm not sure I can reach it myself so Ramsey will definitely have to help - luckily it doesn't involve needles so I think he can handle it.
It's not normal to need to take a nap on a regular basis - and not a 20-minute nap but a 3 hour, wake up drooling and with lines on my face kind of nap.
It's not normal to lose strands and strands of hair every time I brush my hair.
It's not normal to get lifesaving poison injected into your bloodstream every 3 weeks while you read a book, eat pretzels and watch funny animal videos on the TV.
Ok, rant over for today. Just needed to get some of that off my mind so I can let it go and get back to being positive and fighting the good fight.
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