Scanxiety...not a real world but certainly a common phrase in the cancer community. CT scans, PET scans, bone scans, they can all be the determining factor of whether a treatment is working or not. I had a CT scan on Friday and now we are in the waiting period.
In the last 10 years I would say that other than my first PET scan I never had a lot of anxiety about my scans. I have always felt like I knew what they would show. When we saw the tiny spot in 2015 I always knew that with each scan it would get bigger until we knew what it was and could treat it. When my previous treatment was working so well and my tumor markers where super low I knew my scans would be stable.
Now, I don't know what to expect so I can really relate to scanxiety. I have had 4 treatments of Enhurtu and now the scan will tell us if it's working.
One of my key coping mechanisms for my cancer in general has always been to stay busy - not always physically but also mentally. I am very rarely doing one thing at a time. When I am working, the tv is on, when I am watching TV, I am also on my phone. If I try to just sit on the porch the next thing I know I am pulling weeds or messing with the flowers. I had a therapist tell me that when I am having trouble sleeping to start counting backwards from 20 to 0 and then go to 19 and do it again and so on. When I do that not only do I have to think the number I have to draw it in my head, or my mind will start thinking of something else while I am counting.
The last two weeks have been so busy that up until my scan on Friday I didn't even have to think about cancer. Work got extra busy, we were able to start moving into our new house and they started showings at the rental we are moving out of. Most days I woke up with a list of things in my head that had to be dealt with that day and fell into bed exhausted. Oh, and it was over 100 degrees everyday that we were moving! Tonight is one of the first times I have been able to sit and enjoy the new house but also overthink. I am all over the place in trying to guess based on so many different factors:
This week there was 300ml of fluid to drain from my lung - up from 220 last week but down from the 2000ml when things were at the worst -- so maybe it's working but if it's working why do I still have fluid at all?
With my first couple of treatments my hair was thinning really badly but seems to have stabalized -- is that a sign that the treatment is working or not working???
I have had a couple of really tired days for the last 2 treatments is it the treatments making me tired or the cancer growing that is making me tired.
You can see how the mind can just run in so many different directions while we wait for results. I see the Dr on Friday July 7th and have another treatment scheduled after that. I hope we get results before then and of course hope they show this treatment is working because the next course of treatment could be tougher type of chemotherapy. Will keep everyone updated once we know how things are going!
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